He was everything I wanted. I loved him with all my
forces, my strength and more than that. I had planned a future, a life with
him. That´s all I ever wanted; all I ever dreamed since I met him. I knew it
was going to be hard, but I mean in this life what isn´t?
I always dreamed of being a dancer, an actress, and
singer. I used to perform in front of my stuffed animals or to my parents on
Sundays. And I would think how happy it made me feel and that perhaps that was
what would make me happy when I finally became a grown up. But it didn´t, and I
tried, I really did, for a long time I would go to auditions, do diets and
exercise all day to be perfect and achieve my dreams. This was my day, one
after the other, until I met you.
Just thinking about you makes me smile. It has always
been like that. When I met you my whole world change, everything became
brighter and for the first time in a long time I felt truly happy. You
supported me in what I believed where my dreams, you pushed me on days I just
wanted to stay in bed and helped me realized that sometimes it was good to take
some time off. My little star, you helped me achieved my first job as a dancer
and for that I would be eternally grateful. It was the best experience I´ve had
until that point in my life. But that day I kept a secret within me and I never
told you. Maybe it was because I was scared or I just didn´t wanted to
jeopardize things between us.
Six months into I remember we had our first fight. It
was really intense, you screamed and I yelled, we both cried, we both laughed. It
was about what to eat for dinner. Later that day, you asked me to move in with
you and I said one condition: the kitchen has to be pink. You laughed but I was
serious. Still, you accepted and we moved in together in this tiny little
apartment, with a pink kitchen and two more rooms. We would spend days filling
our walls with photographs and the rooms with memories and smiles.
Two months later I knew my dreams had changed. You
were my new dream and that´s all I wanted. I told you and I remember seeing a
tear rolling down your cheek. Now I know it was a happy tear but at the time I
thought otherwise. Days after that were filled with mornings of pancakes and
coffee.
And now I feel like I´m just wandering the streets
looking for something that will never come. I´ve lost my home. You were my home
and I don´t know what to do without you. How do I go forward if you were my
direction? Where do I keep driving if I have no destination?
My little star, it´s had been the most amazing five
years of my life. I wouldn´t change a single day and because of that, today I
stand here in front of you to tell you the secret I kept that first time I
achieved my dreams. That day I knew that you were and always be the love of my
life. You are the person who changed me, who helped me became the best version
of myself and I just hope that I was the same for you. My heart will always
belong to you.
This is not a goodbye. I´ll see you later, probably in
our pink kitchen, drinking coffee and eating pancakes. And I promise that once
we are reunited I won´t let go of you. But for now, I have to because that´s
what you deserve.
