Excerpt...

"Shut up; shut up; shut up." she said, with tears forming in her eyes.

"Why?, I´m just saying the truth. I don´t understand why people make such a big deal about it. It´s something you can control, you know, and move past it." he said, complaining because of the tears forming in her eyes. The truth was that he hated when she cried.

"Stop it. You don´t even know what it feels like." she said, getting a little bit angry. "What it feels like to cry until you feel numb and empty inside. To cry until you washed all your feelings away. You´ve never been in my situation, though you criticize me like you have."

"I just don´t know why you feel numb. I don´t think it´s possible to feel numb. Is it even a feeling?" he said.

"Yes, it is and I really hope you never do feel it because once you do, you never get to be the same. You know, I smile throughout my days, yet at night, I cry like a river so I don´t have to drown my sorrows in tequila. God knows I´ve been there and terrible things happen." She said, feeling a goodbye in the near future. But she didn't wanted to believe it. She had to do everything she could to make him stay; to repair their relationship and move forward together. She couldn't afford to lose him too.

Excerpt from a book I´m writing...

My little star:

I want to show you something I wrote to you.

“He was everything I wanted. I loved him with all my forces, my strength and more than that. I had planned a future, a life with him. That´s all I ever wanted; all I ever dreamed since I met him. I knew it was going to be hard, but I mean in this life what isn´t?

I always dreamed of being a dancer, an actress, and singer. I used to perform in front of my stuffed animals or to my parents on Sundays. And I would think how happy it made me feel and that perhaps that was what would make me happy when I finally became a grown up. But it didn´t, and I tried, I really did, for a long time I would go to auditions, do diets and exercise all day just to be perfect and achieve my dreams. This was my day, one after the other, until I met you.

Just thinking about you makes me smile. It has always been like that. When I met you my whole world change, everything became brighter and for the first time in a long time I felt truly happy. You supported me in what I believed where my dreams, you pushed me on days I just wanted to stay in bed and helped me realized that sometimes it was good to take some time off. My little star, you helped me achieved my first job as a dancer and for that I would be eternally grateful. It was the best experience I´ve had until that point in my life. But that day I kept a secret within me and I never told you. Maybe it was because I was scared or I just didn´t wanted to jeopardize what we had between us.

Six months into I remember we had our first fight. It was really intense, you screamed and I yelled, we both cried, we both laughed. It was about what to eat for dinner. Later that day, you asked me to move in with you and I said one condition: the kitchen had to be pink. You laughed but I was serious. Still, you accepted and we moved in together in this tiny little apartment, with a pink kitchen and two more rooms. We would spend days filling our walls with photographs and the rooms with memories and smiles. 

Two months later I knew my dreams had changed. You were my new dream and that´s all I wanted. I told you and I remember seeing a tear rolling down your cheek. Now I know it was a happy tear but at the time I thought otherwise. Days after that were filled with mornings of pancakes and coffee. Of blankets and tickles. Of happiness and love.

And now I feel like I´m just wandering the streets looking for something that will never come. I´ve lost my home. You were my home and I don´t know what to do without you. How do I go forward if you were my direction? Where do I keep driving if I have no destination?

My little star, it´s had been the most amazing five years of my life. I wouldn´t change a single day and because of that, today I stand here in front of you to tell you the secret I kept that first time I achieved my dreams. That day I knew that you were and always be the love of my life. You are the person who changed me, who helped me became the best version of myself and I just hope that I was the same for you. My heart will always belong to you.

This is not a goodbye. I´ll see you later, probably in our pink kitchen, drinking coffee and eating pancakes. And I promise that once we are reunited I won´t let go of you. But for now, I have to because that´s what you deserve.”

Always yours,

Your little moon

I never wrote anything about us or him and that´s my biggest regret. So, this letter is just for him. He was my muse yet he never knew. So, I fold the letter in three and seal the envelope. I set the yellow and orange tulips I´ve been carrying all this time nicely on the floor, by the grave. Then I put the letter on the side and say goodbye to him.