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I don't know why I feel this way? I mean everything I ever wanted is becoming a reality, besides there isn't a real, concrete explanation or reason for me to feel bad. But, somehow, I feel sadder than I've ever been in a while. I AM A FAILURE. A FUCKING FAT, OBESE, DISGUSTING FAILURE.

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Anxiety has pushed me to my limit this time and I have to say that I've never actually acknowledged when I am having a panic attack before and today, oh boy, today I found out. For the love of roses, my therapist told that I had experienced panic attacks before but I just didn't realize what they were at the moment. After my last session, I was able to seize all the attacks and I truly thought they were gone. But my anxiety never went away completely and after being a year and a half in college, studying something I was miserable at but being afraid to speak, my anxiety just grew into proportions that I am not able to manage. And today was the day I had a panic attack, realized what it was and freaked out a little bit more because I knew what was happening and couldn't stop it. God, anxiety is HORRIBLE. I now I'm not alone, though. I know my family will support me and love me until the end of our lives. But, besides them, I found out today that I have an amazing friend, one who truly cares about me and my well being and I've never had a friend like her before. I realized today what a best friend means and I am super glad that I found Jackie. I really am