It´s back...

I´m afraid it´s coming back, I´m afraid, I´m terrified.

Everything in my life is getting out of control. School, friends, love, everything is spiraling into this vicious cycle, this hurricane that sucks the life out of me, it´s unbearable.

I don´t know how long can I keep being strong?

Two hearts. Lost time. One chance.

 -The End   

She walked bravely to his class. Those five minutes seemed eternal. She took the stairs. Her hands where sweaty and trembling. Her heart racing. The adrenaline rushing through her veins. One step, two steps, one step. Reaching for the doorknob. Turning the handle and opening the door. Blankly staring. Heart crashing. Two people inside. One kiss. She retreats two steps, one step, two steps. Legs running. Tears falling. Heartbroken. Broken little girl.

She was making all of this to make up for lost time. She knew he was all she needed. Now, she understood that she could live without him. But she didn't wanted to. He was everything she needed. He wasn't perfect but who was. She wanted to let him know everything she has kept to herself. She wanted to scream out loud that she loved him. Yes, she loved him with all her heart. She wanted to ride the car with him and hold his hand the entire time. She wanted to show him how wonderful he was. She wanted to keep learning about the little stuff like the way he plays with his hands when he is nervous. How he argues with everyone driving around town and his little rants that turn into laughs. How he smiles a little bit to the side when he is listening to his favorite band. But most of all, she loved the way he cared and listened to what she had to say. How he looked at her when she was talking. How he could make her feel special and happy out of nowhere. She loved him for who he is and will be. She wanted him to be her present and her future.

Guilty. I feel guilty, and confused, and dumb, and angry and...and stupid.

You broke me

You broke me. You broke me. You broke me.

From all the people who was able to hurt me, I never thought that you would be one of them. You broke me. You broke something inside me that I thought was unbreakable. You broke my trust, in you and everyone else.

You see, when you cheat on someone, you take a part of them that can never be replaced. You take their ability to trust and that, darling, it´s the key. You took that part of me and now...now I´m afraid you took it forever.

You cheated on me.

I never thought I would said those words when it comes to you. And the worst part is that you are a coward because I had to find out from your mom about it, not you, your mom. It just slipped through her lips, those innocent words that changed my life completely and forever.

Now I know. Now I know that I was never that important to you. You were my everything, my world, my stars and I was just a game to you. I was never important. Never worth it. I was never special enough for you.

You broke me. And somehow, I´m here, wishing I was her. That I was the one you cheated with. How fucked up is that. I wish I was her, waking up beside you, with a breathless kiss; with the sun kissing our bodies. I wish I was her, cooking "breakfast" at midnight and drinking coffee while we watch the sunrise. I wish I was her. But I'm not.

You broke me.