Lost

Somewhere along the road, I got lost. Out of nowhere I was left standing in the air without any support. I am LOST. I don't have something that is mine. Something to feel proud and to say: "Yes, I worked hard to achieved it and it's all mine."

Sometimes, people won't act like I would like or they won't comprehend me. I feel frustrated and mad that people won't take me seriously. I just want to prove everyone wrong. I want them to feel bad and regret everything they have ever said about me and my family.

Just rambling

This past week has been really meaningful for me. I learned that the only way I can get something in life, is by doing things myself. No one will do it for me and I am also the only one who can destroy my opportunities.

Friends and family are the most important thing in life. Without them, life has no meaning. At least for me, that is the most important thing in my life. Without them I would be lost. I would have a life without meaning and a purpose.

This coming week is also really important for me. Christmas is my favourite holiday and there's also that feeling around in the air. People become nicer and start giving without expecting anything back. There's something about Christmas that is so magical and I can't help but feel drunk from the Christmas feelings.

So yeah, I'm practically dying for the next week and I also low that I am expecting some disappointment. Whenever I get my hopes up or my expectations really high, disappointment comes along, like it or not. But until that day, I still will hope for a miracle.

Shit, it's getting bad again...

I found the answer I needed the most. Nothing will get better until I discover myself. I need to be alone with myself for a while and try to find me. To find what I like, what I don't like, what I want, but mostly, what I believe and how to stand by it.

I really need this alone time because I am slowly destructing myself and everyone around me. I wish I knew how to stop it because I don't want to hurt everyone around me anymore. I don't care if I kill myself slowly, but it's a whole different thing to destroy people who care and love me.

Shit, it's getting bad again. The voices and self-destructing manners are running towards me and I don't know how to stop them. Maybe I don't want to stop them. I feel myself  being pulled away into the arms of darkness. It's a place I know very well and even though I know it's terrifying, I think that I deserve being pulled away.

It's been a difficult weekend and I really don't know how my week it's going to be. But one thing I know for sure, it's not going to be pretty.

Because I thought...

Because I thought you were the one.
The one and only one…
No one else was right.
No one else felt right.
With you I feel like I am finally home.
At last, a safe place to stay.

Why do I always end up doing the same thing?

I am the best at leaving projects incomplete. I always start projects and get all excited about it, but I end up leaving them or just forgetting they exist. The worst part of it is that they start as my babies and I just  abandoned them like they're not important to me. And I want to change that.  I want to become involved in my projects and stick to them. To believe in them and believe in me. Believe that I am capable of doing it and being successful.

I am going to start a new project and I am going to put time and effort. I will balance university, homework, social life, gym and my project and make time to every one of those aspects in my life.

Also, I started this blog to pour my feelings and thoughts. Is kind of a diary and I really enjoy it. But I have abandoned it a little bit in the last few months and I want to change that. Also, I've been really craving writing and just letting my feelings out.

Also, I don't know why I just wrote those things and why I am sharing them, but I felt like doing it so I guess I will just publish it. And who cares what other people think about me or what I do. I've had enough fear to do what I want, when I want in high school. It's my time to start believing in myself and stop caring about the critics. I will overcome the fears I have and do what I want to do.

Take life by it´s horns

Lately life has been giving me a lot of opportunities that I just can´t pass. Spain has been my biggest dream since a few years now and to actually have the opportunity to go study in Navarra, just seem too good to be true. It´s still early to know if I will be going or not, but I´m definitively applying. No matter what obstacles I have to face or what people say, I will do everything in my power to make it happen.

Life is slowly teaching me that when you know what you are living for, life is amazing. Now I feel like I am getting to that place where you are really happy and satisfied with life. And it is possible. It takes takes time, a lot of time, and perseverance.

Now it´s time to really start living and to make myself happy. I need to stop worrying about what other people thinks about me and the opinions are not relevant to my life.

The Magic Moon

I´ve always loved the moon

It´s magic and power

I know the day I finally meet that right person

It will be under the moon 

And that moon will be the witness of our love

That moon will be the bond between us

That moon will be the one who keep us together

Whoever said life was easy...was wrong!

It´s so difficult to get up from bed every single day. And it´s even harder to realize that I am going to do what I do every day of my life. I´m so sick of this routine and all I ask is for some excitement, something that will change my perspective from life.

It doesn´t matter if it is finding someone to love or just going on a trip by myself. I want to feel the rush running through my veins and to feel that living is worth it. Maybe one day I will feel like this and I will be the luckiest girl. But until then I can´t stop wishing my life was different.

Things about life

How are we supposed to know how to manage certain situations in life? We weren't born with a handbook to teach us how to act and how to manage situations.

How am I supposed to know when it's time to stop feeling this way and start living life? 

I  know I'm not different from everyone else and that I have a purpose in life I need to complete. But what if I don't even know where to start? What if I am so scared that I am just ignoring the fact that I have to do what I need to do to have a life?

I don't want to keep living this way but at the same time I don't know how to stop this never ending cycle. I need help but I don't know how to ask for it!