Lost

Somewhere along the road, I got lost. Out of nowhere I was left standing in the air without any support. I am LOST. I don't have something that is mine. Something to feel proud and to say: "Yes, I worked hard to achieved it and it's all mine."

Sometimes, people won't act like I would like or they won't comprehend me. I feel frustrated and mad that people won't take me seriously. I just want to prove everyone wrong. I want them to feel bad and regret everything they have ever said about me and my family.

Just rambling

This past week has been really meaningful for me. I learned that the only way I can get something in life, is by doing things myself. No one will do it for me and I am also the only one who can destroy my opportunities.

Friends and family are the most important thing in life. Without them, life has no meaning. At least for me, that is the most important thing in my life. Without them I would be lost. I would have a life without meaning and a purpose.

This coming week is also really important for me. Christmas is my favourite holiday and there's also that feeling around in the air. People become nicer and start giving without expecting anything back. There's something about Christmas that is so magical and I can't help but feel drunk from the Christmas feelings.

So yeah, I'm practically dying for the next week and I also low that I am expecting some disappointment. Whenever I get my hopes up or my expectations really high, disappointment comes along, like it or not. But until that day, I still will hope for a miracle.

Shit, it's getting bad again...

I found the answer I needed the most. Nothing will get better until I discover myself. I need to be alone with myself for a while and try to find me. To find what I like, what I don't like, what I want, but mostly, what I believe and how to stand by it.

I really need this alone time because I am slowly destructing myself and everyone around me. I wish I knew how to stop it because I don't want to hurt everyone around me anymore. I don't care if I kill myself slowly, but it's a whole different thing to destroy people who care and love me.

Shit, it's getting bad again. The voices and self-destructing manners are running towards me and I don't know how to stop them. Maybe I don't want to stop them. I feel myself  being pulled away into the arms of darkness. It's a place I know very well and even though I know it's terrifying, I think that I deserve being pulled away.

It's been a difficult weekend and I really don't know how my week it's going to be. But one thing I know for sure, it's not going to be pretty.

Because I thought...

Because I thought you were the one.
The one and only one…
No one else was right.
No one else felt right.
With you I feel like I am finally home.
At last, a safe place to stay.

Why do I always end up doing the same thing?

I am the best at leaving projects incomplete. I always start projects and get all excited about it, but I end up leaving them or just forgetting they exist. The worst part of it is that they start as my babies and I just  abandoned them like they're not important to me. And I want to change that.  I want to become involved in my projects and stick to them. To believe in them and believe in me. Believe that I am capable of doing it and being successful.

I am going to start a new project and I am going to put time and effort. I will balance university, homework, social life, gym and my project and make time to every one of those aspects in my life.

Also, I started this blog to pour my feelings and thoughts. Is kind of a diary and I really enjoy it. But I have abandoned it a little bit in the last few months and I want to change that. Also, I've been really craving writing and just letting my feelings out.

Also, I don't know why I just wrote those things and why I am sharing them, but I felt like doing it so I guess I will just publish it. And who cares what other people think about me or what I do. I've had enough fear to do what I want, when I want in high school. It's my time to start believing in myself and stop caring about the critics. I will overcome the fears I have and do what I want to do.